True Thanks

This Thanksgiving, I'm learning to give thanks not only to everything that's good in my life, but perhaps more importantly, to also give thanks to everything that's "bad" in my life as well - or at least what I'm not as happy with: whether it's external frustrations with India, or internal impatience with myself.

Buddhists refer to four noble truths. Essentially, these were the primary teachings of the Buddha, after he reached Enlightenment. What really resonates with me about Buddhism is just how logical everything is. Through the four truths, everything is laid out in clear, user-friendly form.

The first "truth" is that life is suffering. It's significant that he doesn't start off with this idea that life is all happy and honky-dory -- but rather, that true suffering does indeed exist.

The second noble truth is that this suffering is based on attachments. This attachment may be to monetary rewards or to beauty or to one's own self-perception... even an attachment to meditation itself. I met someone who quit their job on Wall Street to come here to India and seek "enlightenment" -- not realizing that their quest or "addiction" for enlightenment is actually the same as their quest for promotions and more money... only dressed differently. During my yoga and meditation sessions, I've met quite a few of these "guru chasers" -- going from one retreat to another, still on an external quest on a purely internal journey.

The third noble truth is that "nirvana" (or an end to suffering) is possible by letting go of attachments. For me, this was the most difficult to bridge intellectually and emotionally. Intellectually, sure, it makes sense. Emotionally, however, it felt like letting go would somehow make me less "human" -- less swept in the highs of joy and the lows of despair, and instead being a flat line. Vipasanna (the 10 day silent meditation) teaches you to notice everything, and react to nothing (a lesson I could still use, when I jump to my blackberry at every slightest beep). Equanimity above all. Hard enough to do in an ashram, nearly impossible in modern society.

When listening to a Buddhist teacher today, however, something clicked. Equanimity does not actually mean indifference, although perhaps there is a fine line. Indifference is based on fear, while equanimity means loving and accepting all. Similarly, there is a fine line between love and attachment, and between compassion and pity.

The fourth noble truth is that the path towards this nirvana can be reached through a series of steps that the Buddha calls the "Eightfold Path." What this path essentially means is cultivating what Buddhists call "a compassionate heart" and gradually letting go of addictions (whether to a person, idea, or substance). There's a quote from a teacher I particular like that defines "compassion": "letting the world tickle your heart and discovering that everything is connected with it."

While I thought that Eat, Pray, Love was a pretty awful book and an even worse movie, I did really enjoy reading about the meditation the old Indonesian Medicine Man in Bali had her do each night: Sit and smile -- ensuring that not only your lips are smiling, but your whole body, right down to your kidneys and liver.

In other words, the essence of Buddhism is learning to love what is. In Buddhists' minds, suffering comes from wishing something is other than what is. Thus, the key to happiness is to love all the "bad", as well as the "good" -- realizing that it's only our own internal frameworks that assign good vs. bad.

I'm not quite sure I'm there yet -- loving all the frustrations here in India, just as much as I love the magic of being here. But this Thanksgiving, at least I can be grateful for them and learn to accept what is.