You won't be hearing from me for a while. In fact, no one will. Literally.
I'm about to set off for a 10-day silent meditation retreat. I did one in Hyderabad shortly after I arrived, so I thought it would be a bit poetic to do another one right before we leave India.
The funny thing is that not saying a word is actually the easiest part of this program. You realize how much of your day is filled with sentences that don't really need to be said ("The weather's gotten much warmer, hasn't it?")
For me, the most fascinating aspect was observing the path of my mind through this journey. The first day, I became convinced that I left the gas on at home, and I should be allowed to talk and call my roommates to warn them. The second day, all my mind thought about was how stupid this whole thing was, and how I should just go back to LifeSpring and be a productive member of society again. By the third day, my mind just "snapped." I felt it say: "Ok, fine, you win." And then just... silence. Wonderful silence, the kind I had never experienced before.
They call it a mental lobotomy, and in many ways, that's exactly how it feels. Emotions and thoughts you didn't even know existed rise up... which is what tends to happen when you do nothing but sit and meditate all day.
The schedule is not for the wary: wake up at 4am. Meditate. Have breakfast. Meditate. Have lunch. Meditate. Have "dinner" consisting of popcorn. In bed by 9pm. Repeat. You would think the days blur together, but I just remember being so keenly aware of how many days I had left. With each passing day, there would be fewer people in the ashram, as more people would drop out.
But by the end, an incredible feeling that I can't categorize as happiness... more accurate would be a sense of joy. More to come...
I'm about to set off for a 10-day silent meditation retreat. I did one in Hyderabad shortly after I arrived, so I thought it would be a bit poetic to do another one right before we leave India.
The funny thing is that not saying a word is actually the easiest part of this program. You realize how much of your day is filled with sentences that don't really need to be said ("The weather's gotten much warmer, hasn't it?")
For me, the most fascinating aspect was observing the path of my mind through this journey. The first day, I became convinced that I left the gas on at home, and I should be allowed to talk and call my roommates to warn them. The second day, all my mind thought about was how stupid this whole thing was, and how I should just go back to LifeSpring and be a productive member of society again. By the third day, my mind just "snapped." I felt it say: "Ok, fine, you win." And then just... silence. Wonderful silence, the kind I had never experienced before.
They call it a mental lobotomy, and in many ways, that's exactly how it feels. Emotions and thoughts you didn't even know existed rise up... which is what tends to happen when you do nothing but sit and meditate all day.
The schedule is not for the wary: wake up at 4am. Meditate. Have breakfast. Meditate. Have lunch. Meditate. Have "dinner" consisting of popcorn. In bed by 9pm. Repeat. You would think the days blur together, but I just remember being so keenly aware of how many days I had left. With each passing day, there would be fewer people in the ashram, as more people would drop out.
But by the end, an incredible feeling that I can't categorize as happiness... more accurate would be a sense of joy. More to come...
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